Summer Rocking

Lifehacker makes me emo. One of the sites I have looked to for strong advice on everyday life planning, LH time-after-time makes me realize how disorganized and unfocused my life is.

I feel the need to do something productive. Perhaps, a summer goal list?

Hell, I need to start somewhere.

The following is a list I have composed to direct myself. Skillsets I want to learn and affirmative actions to improve life. Perhaps at the end of August, I can take a look at these and be proud of what I accomplished.

Or perhaps, be more emo.

1) Learn gmod

Ever since the beginning of the internet (for me, at least), I have been fascinated by creating my own machinima. I failed several times to construct greatness: snubbed by my AP Psych professor to chuckled by, well, more professors along the way throughout high school and college. Just thinking about it made me realize that I could delve into a lot of embarassing attempts.

Gmod is a nifty piece of work that doesn't require too much except some seat exercises and the occasional mental stretch. And besides, I think it's time I make a funny video for once.

2) Brighten Up My Closet

My dark, repressive clothes are awkward. Between the nerd shirts from Blizzcon '09 to the absurd number of dark hoodies, my outfits need a makeover. Although I previously took upon the set as an artistic showcase of style and confidence, I can't dress like it's high school anymore.

Consoletocloset, a fashion blog based on clothes inspired by video games, is my current crave. Though some pieces are overwhelmingly out of my budget (Mass Effect's Miranda outfit is outrageously priced!), a lot of these ideas are just great.

And I can wear them outside. That's a plus.

3) Make a video every week from June to August

Pretty self-explanatory, considering my lack of videos as of late. While I have been working on multiple videos, a lot of them have been scrapped away by my perfectionism.

Though receiving many compliments and very stellar reviews on my guides, I always panic about the videos I put up. Perhaps, I must experience failure as a means of learning.

A WIP. I am sure I'll figure out some other things to keep me in check. After all, summer isn't a time for rest. It's a time of overstressing so that when you look back in the fall, you comment on how you wasted your summer working.

What It Means To Be A Gamer

I'm in the process of trashing 'Lady Insanity' for good.

When I started looking for a new name to call myself 7 years ago, Did not think of what the name could develop into. Didn't know what I would develop into. At the time, thought it was just something cute that my best friend came up with.

Lady. Insanity.

After growing out of my former attention-grabbing self, I have been headstrong about the abolishment of 'Girl' from 'Girl Gamer'. I never had a true plan - constructive rants over Youtube, interviews infused with resentment over the title, and a demeanor of "don't care, just play".

Those core values have not changed. However, I have.

While the world is in an awkward transitioning state of dissoluting the scum concept of 'Girl Gamers', my presence in eSports has been filmsy at best. Unable to compete for some months, I had to think of what to do with my time - either bow out quietly or redevelop myself. After months of struggling with myself, I realized the only people I have been living for are girls with blank faces, hiding behind their emptyness. And my existence was just as vapid.

I've decided to hell with it - share my gaming passion in whatever means I want. Without conviction, without hesitation.

Ladyinsanity was an adolescent girl who wanted control. And perpectuated the same stereotype that she desperately fought against.

My name is Ashe - Ashley Soriano. And I have no intentions of fulfilling my old ways. It's about time I started living for my own sake - and not the sake of correcting others.

Thank you to all who have stood by me throughout the years. I am not leaving eSports - I am transitioning. I will make things better in my own way - gaming because I love it. And sharing that love in hopes that others refer to me just like them.

SOON.

The first part to my Mass Effect series is near completion. /tentsfingers

ME Video: Step 1 Done

I normally don't do blogs, but oh well. Why the hell not. It's 8AM and I am filled happiness :)

Just finished my lastest re-playthrough of ME1.

So far, from what I've accumulated, across ME1/ME2/ME3 playthroughs:

1.07 TB of Video Footage
1.31 GB of Audio Footage
200+ Hours of Gameplay (since ME3's release) 

Think I've said it already, but my video isn't just about Indoctrination. I'm re-dubbing it something completely unimaginative:

The Catalyst Theory.

It sounds silly, I know.

It's an hypothesis on not only the events surrounding behind the game, but also the design structure on why ME3 was shaped the way it was and how this impacts future DLC.

I have spent an entire month researching everything I can into this. Based on current forums and Youtube's, I can gather that I've spent more hours researching all the theories than most of the people who have made pitiful, hurried "Mass Effect endings suck" videos out there.

Why I think I am right? I have an advantage that most people can't rationalize out of: I didn't play ME1 and ME2 until after playing ME3. If you've played a game for as long as Mass Effect has been out, you suffer from personal interests. You cannot rationalize because you can't imagine beyond the scope of the gameverse you've adapted to. It's human, and totally makes sense. I've been subject to the same from other game series out there. But this 3rd person view is exactly what I needed to make this a solid video.

I'm over-confident. But I trust the details.

To make sure I didn't miss a beat, I've played all games (or at least ME2/ME3) with and without imported saves. Because I enjoyed 99% of the game, I played ME3 with three different femsheps and two John Shepards. I made sure to get all perspective of the game to better judge the consequences of all actions. Though experiences are subjective, choices made in game are black and white.

Hope to finish editing by April 20th. The script is being polished. All things put into motion.

I'm going to step on a lot of toes. Looking forward to it.

Keep Forgetting This Exists

The Short: Still working on my latest Mass Effect video. Of course it's about the endings, but contrary to the majority of unreadied Youtubers out there, I took the time to actually research my material (4 full playthroughs of ME3, even). 700GB worth of video and audio - I can't wait to finish it. Probably mid-to-late April as release. I want to dedicate as much time into making sure my words are delivered right.

The Long: This video has caused a stir in my social circles. That is, preventing me from interacting with them. I get a lot of lash for game hopping a lot. As far as competing, I went from Shadowrun -> Halo 2 -> Halo 3 -> Halo: Reach -> Black Ops -> Starcraft 2. I completely dove into Skyrim and Mass Effect and made them part of my Youtube. Some people don't know how to interact with me because they think I can't play with them.

I didn't know I had to only play one game and stay with that my entire life. I loved Black Ops and loved playing it. Hell, the first thing I did was fiddle through the hacking portion. But because the game isn't relevant right now, people think that I've turned away from Call of Duty for good. I hate Modern Warfare 3. I have since I touched it at Friday Night Fights. I have no intentions on competing in it cause it makes me ill. That, and the competitive community is stale and tiresome. I haven't seen a bunch of whiny kids since high school.

As much as I love Starcraft, with my wrists being in the less-than-advantageous stage they are, I can't play dedicated for more than a few hours. It's too early for me to throw away my health for the sake of competitive gaming.

And as far as Skyrim and Mass Effect, I enjoy those games thoroughly. I waited years for Skyrim to come out. I waited until the final game to touch Mass Effect (knowing full well I'd be disappointed somehow). Making Youtube videos around those aesthetically pleasing games soothes me. And editing soothes me, because I know I can walk away from the computer and not have to worry about my hands and not playing.

What I'm trying to get at is that I can love many games, but still have my dedications. I love Black Ops as much as I loved Shadowrun. I love Mass Effect as much as I loved Oblivion. I've poured thousands of hours into those few games. I'm tired of gamer friends thinking that they need to stop talking to me because I place dedications at different times.

I guess, I'm just tired. That's all.